The Great Sri Lankan Monkey Incident of 2014

As promised, here’s the harrowing monkey tale…

As you’ll recall, we were all set for a nice afternoon relaxing.  AB was going to color, I was going to have what I can only imagine would have been the best beer of the trip so far (probably not true), and Amanda was setting up her spa appointment.

First step was setting up AB (also known as “the bait”) on the balcony.  I then set out my beer and a glass for my part of the afternoon and headed back into the room.  Amanda was on the phone trying to decide on her relaxation package.

All of a sudden, a blood curdling scream comes from the balcony.  It’s AB and she starts running into the room.  My first inclination is obviously that she had found out I had filled in one of the pages to her book and I was in trouble.  No, don’t be silly, my first thought was, “Oh, sh!t, MONKEYS!”.

There’s he is.  A monkey on the table where AB was drawing…and he wants into the room.  Amanda was able to slam the phone down and then slam the door shut before the invasion could occur.  We then sat in abject horror while a team of monkeys began the systematic destruction of our nicely planned afternoon. 

It started with the monkey squad tearing apart AB’s awesome dry-erase princess coloring book and marker.  They must have a lack of fiber in their diet, because that book didn’t last long.  One would check the book out all over…tear off a piece to enjoy…then take another look.  They passed it around and it was eventually dropped into the abyss below.  I didn’t check, but I imagine it was like the river scene from Indiana Jones where people fall to their doom into the crocodile infested river below. 

Then, onto my beer.  My precious, unopened, local, strong, beer that I had been looking forward to for the entire day.  One of the monkeys (meagerly) attempted to open the can.  Sure, monkeys have opposable thumbs, but those dummies won’t be able to take over the world until they can actually crack open a cold one, turn on the football game, and pass out at halftime with one hand down their pants.  Oh…wait…maybe we’ve actually DEvolved…  We should be worried.

Back to the story.  Given his unsuccessful attempt, the monkey knocked the beer off the table and proceeded … to pee all over it.  Good lord, what kind of world are we in!?  The presumed mastermind of the attack then showed up to inspect the beer.  He gave it the old college try, but was also unsuccessful.  However; he did proceed to have relations with a female from the group right in front of our eyes.  Luckily for us, I think he needed that liquid courage to actually perform in front of strangers…and he gave up shortly thereafter.  THOSE DAMN, DIRTY MONKEYS!

Having gone through everything on the balcony they could, the monkey squad moved down to their next unsuspecting victims and we were finally free from their wrath.  After about 10 minutes, I went out to the balcony in a hazardous materials suit (okay, it was just a couple of towels) and opened up my beer.  Don’t worry, Amanda convinced me to not drink it.  However; I did pour it out and leave it for the monkeys for later.  A goodwill gesture of sorts.

The ol’ leader of the pack did, in fact, come back later.  After giving the beer a good sniff he dipped his hand in and gave it a try.  He must have preferred some local arrack and decided he’d pass on finishing the beer.  What a shame.

The fallout from the incident wasn’t too bad.  Turns out the beer was probably not very good (based on the monkey taste-test).  Amanda still got her spa treatment scheduled.  And Annabelle’s demands were only that we get a replacement book when we get back to the US.  Well, one for her and one for her cousin Chloe Grace.

The Week Before Thanksgiving in Sri Lanka!

As dedicated readers of the blog, I’m sure you all remember this “DON’T” from a prior post:

DON’T forget to make sure you booked the Thanksgiving trip to Sri Lanka during the week of Thanksgiving…and not the week before.  Do try to do complete this step more than 24 hours prior to leaving for this trip.

That, my friends, is a little bit of foreshadowing.  Now, you’re about to hear…the rest of the story.

When we found out about our rotation in India, we decided that Sri Lanka might be a good place to visit.  The Associate Pastor at our church was born there, and several of our co-workers in India told us it would be great.  Since we had a few days off from work for Thanksgiving (and work is typically slower at that time) we decided to book the trip for that week.  Leave on Wednesday morning and stay through Sunday.

Sleep deprivation is a funny thing.  To make a long story short, we realized on November 18 that our flight to Colombo, Sri Lanka was on November 19.  It was a bit of a scramble, but we made it work and set off in the morning!

We arrived in mid-afternoon and got a taxi to take us from Colombo, the capital of Sri Lanka, to Dambulla, which is more toward the center of Sri Lanka.  The 3½ hour ride reminded us a lot of East Africa: similar vegetation, lots of tea, speeding into oncoming traffic to pass a slow-moving vehicle on a road barely big enough for a Smart Car, spice farms, and fresh produce everywhere.  We arrived at our hotel, the Heritance Kandalama, just in time for dinner.  After traveling all day I needed a beer…and apparently I also needed to be covering my provocative legs at dinner…resulting in me being dressed in a sarong for the evening.

On Thursday, we decided to hang out around the hotel, tour the Eco Park, and go on a jungle trek.  Our guide was a tiny, old man who had grown up in the area.  He had been working for the hotel for 10 years and learned to speak English (fairly well) from the guests he took on tours.  We navigated through some fairly thick jungle and a few waterways…some more successfully than others.  Apparently we visited Sri Lanka during their rainy season – whoops.  We saw lots of butterflies along the way, some ancient village structures, and ended at a small village where we were presented with some tea and AB was magnetically attracted to a swing.  No surprise there.  But this was a pretty cool wooded swing and got AB pretty high in the air.  Wait, what’s that?  It’s not wood?  Oh…it’s an old elephant leg bone?  Great – even better!

Later that day we encountered several monkeys visiting our balcony.  The guests above us had “accidentally” dropped a banana near our balcony.  Given the signage everywhere telling us to keep our doors locked and not feed the monkeys, we were surprised.  The few that came all did a pretty good job sharing, and the little guy who finished it up had a cleft palate!  Very interesting.

Friday started off with Amanda getting a private yoga session with a visiting spiritual/fitness know-it-all from the Maldives. Emily Evelyn (yeah, that’s her name) guided Amanda though a very relaxing yoga session…and effectively sold us on visiting her resort in the Maldives (hopefully in March). 

We then headed off to the city of Dambulla to visit the Buddhist Cave Temples.  Many years ago a ruler of the island was deposed and sought refuge in the hills.  Buddhist monks took him in for many years until he eventually regained power.  To offer his gratitude, the ruler commissioned five cave temples to be made with various and numerous statues of Budda placed in each one.  The hike to get to the caves was quite the ascent, especially with a wriggly 17 kg three year-old on your shoulders.  And the descent included a pit stop for said three year-old off in the forest.  Grandpa John would be proud.

The next stop was at a spice farm.  Again, the similarities to East Africa were abundant… coriander, cloves, vanilla, chocolate, pepper, ginger, cinnamon, turmeric, etc.  It was a lot of fun to see AB experience the fun of seeing all the spices grow and then getting to try some out at the end.  The tour ended with tasting an eggplant chutney, some spice tea, hot chocolate, and a straight-up shirt-off (for Griffin, at least) massage with some ayurvedic lotions.  After avoiding purchasing the $100 bottle of vanilla extract, we headed out with some nice (smaller) parting gifts from the farm.  And on our way back we even stopped at a “Wine Shop” for a couple local beers and a bottle of Arrack, a distilled liquor made from the nectar off of coconut tree flowers.

Sidebar: Since I brought up coconuts, I think I should describe how awesome the food was in Sri Lanka.  For local food, the influence of coconut in what seemed like everything was heavenly.  A spicy coconut dish they had at every meal was called sambol.  There could be a national shortage of this now based on my consumption…  The resort also had some great Asian and Western options – a welcome reprieve from the cornucopia of curries we’ve been consuming.

Our journey on Saturday took us to Sigiriya Rock.  For those of you familiar, this is a similar geological structure to Devil’s Tower in Wyoming: rock in the middle of a relatively level landscape.  As the high ground in the area the top of the rock was essentially a naturally guarded fortress.  The ascent again included a ridiculous amount of steps.  However; the route included numerous cave dwellings, amazing architecture built into and up to the rock, a series of beautiful frescos, and an intermediate landing point (before the final ascent) that featured a huge entrance to the stairs above framed by enormous lion’s paws.  The only damper (so to speak) on the experience was the torrential downpour we experienced at the lion’s paws.  Darn that rainy season!  Even still, Amanda and I each individually climbed the rickety metal staircase to the top to experience the ruins of a huge complex at the top of the rock. 

Again, that afternoon I needed a beer (recurring theme?).  We were set up perfectly to have a nice relaxing time where AB could color on the balcony, Dad could enjoy a beer, and Amanda could get a spa treatment.  Step one was being completed, when “The Great Sri Lankan Monkey Incident of 2014” occurred.  You guys, this experience deserves its own post.  It’s pretty great.  Stay tuned.

Moving on…we set out EARLY on Sunday morning for our trip back to the airport.  On the way, we arranged a stop at an elephant orphanage.  For those of you who know…this is yet another link to East Africa where the Sheldrick Elephant Orphanage is located.  This orphanage is a bit different than Sheldrick, but they guys still have it pretty good.  They have a huge open area to roam and get tons (literally) of fresh greens to eat each day.  There were even a few two year only “babies” that we got to bottle-feed.  AB was super excited about the prospects of doing this until she realized the sheer mass of these “toddlers”.  But still, she and Amanda got to feed one a liter of milk…in about three seconds flat…before the elephant proceeded to have about 15 more.

After feeding time, it’s time for the elephants to head down for a nice dip in the river and some bathing.  Amanda got an up-close view of the herd trampling down what amounts to a loading dock into the river where they get some nice free time to hang out.  It was amazing to get to see them in their (relatively) natural habitat while in the river.  A great way to end our premature trip to Sri Lanka! 

A new ABODE for Annabelle in Hyderabad

In the last post I alluded to our polyglottic daughter.  We figured that if she’s going to already be fluent in English and Spanish we may as well throw two more languages at her while turning her life upside-down by moving to India.  She’s resilient.

Ok, so while we weren’t that malicious when deciding what AB should do during the day while Amanda and I worked we did opt for an “International School” called A Belly full Of DreAms (ABODE).  Good ol’ Google Maps showed us the school was close to the office and the hotel and it uses a Montessori / Multiple Intelligence curriculum.  We even had an hour long Skype conversation with the founder of the school.  We were sold. 

Upon arriving in Hyderabad we headed to the school for a tour.  The school backs up to the Botanical Gardens in Hyderabad, so it’s fairly secluded and quiet.  There are several security guards on the grounds at all times.  The Office Administrator (Saritha) greeted us, had one of the helpers take AB to play, and took us back to talk to the Director (Snehal) and the founder (Suman).  [Suman was talking to us via Skype again.  He might just be a disembodied head for all we know…]  The only shock is that the students are actually all Indian…  We were told there was an expatriate contingent…but maybe the one girl with one non-Indian parent counts in their books J.

Other than that confusion, we’re very impressed with the school.  Lots of different “work” that the kids do throughout the day, including plenty of breaks and quiet time.  Plus, art and music classes.  And then Annabelle rolls into the office like a mad-woman.  She’s having the time of her life.  In fact, after our meeting we just leave her there for the afternoon to enjoy herself.  When we arrived back she was still doing great.  We’re the best parents ever, aren’t we!?  NAILED IT!

Reality sets in the next day when we drop her off again and it sinks in with AB that this is the new routine.  “Mom and Dad are leaving you here alone all day with a bunch of people that look and behave NOTHING like you”.  Oh, and only the teachers are fluent in English.  The cultural barriers are seemingly as insurmountable as the Himalayan Mountains that make India the great subcontinent that it is.  Saying goodbye isn’t easy for any of us, but we get through it. 

Day two is worse.  It’s hit or miss after that for a couple weeks.  There are a few boys in her class that are “free spirits” and a little too rambunctious for AB’s liking.  That, along with the HUGE adjustment she is going through with new languages and cultural experiences, is enough to tip her over the edge each morning and cling to us each afternoon when we pick her up.  The saving grace in the first few weeks is AB’s art teacher (Maddy) who dresses like an American and is able to take AB under her wing for a lot of the day.  Saint Maddy gives us hope.

I won’t belabor this anymore – I’m sure you get the picture.  At the time of writing this entry, we are almost a month and a half in and we now have a routine that works.  It’s not perfect, but it’s getting better every day and AB seems to finally be getting some benefit from the torture we’ve put her through.  In fact, just this morning, she marched straight to her classroom and waved goodbye; excited to start her school day. Something is finally working!

Prior to today, each day at 8:45 we would take her to the swings in the play area.  I usually ask her how many times she wants me to push her before I go to work.  The answer is usually an emphatic “five!”  After clarifying…every day…she means five minutes.  Then we figure out who from the school gets to take over for Mom and Dad.  This is invariably Saritha.  It used to be Maddy, but Maddy was gone for a week when her grandmother died.  Saritha must have been #2 on the depth chart.  Luckily, the swing has magical powers which makes AB more comfortable than in our arms and she actually lets a few other helpers take over the pushing duties when Saritha is busy.  She’s also made a connection with Raghu the security guard, who is one of her favorites.  He “steals” her snacks from her every day.  “He’s a silly boy.”

The kids start off with some songs, then move on to breakfast and some combination of “work”, play, discussion/lessons, quiet time, etc. throughout the day.  At 2:30 most of the kids are done with school for the day.  AB then goes to the “empty school” for a few more hours before we pick her up around 5:30.  “Empty school” is the post-school daycare where there are a lot fewer kids…along with a lot less chaos.

Through school, AB has gotten exposure to both Hindi and Telugu.  Hindi is spoken throughout most of India, but Telugu is spoken almost strictly in Telangana (Hyderabad’s state).  Most of the kids and helpers speak one of the two languages, so she has been successfully immersed into two more languages.  She also gets music classes that include traditional Telugu songs.  This is where her multilingual songs in the car come from.  It’s amazing how sponge-like kids’ brains are.

She has also learned some Bollywood style dances in her dance classes.  This is truly a sight to see.  And AB will now ask us to dance with her because of it.  We literally drop everything when she asks – it’s impossible not to.  And as I write this I can tell you with certainty that dancing with her on her wedding day might be the hardest thing I ever do.  Good thing it won’t happen for another 47 years.

She’s still experiencing some occasional growing pains with school…and we’re sure coming back after Christmas will be another tough adjustment…but we really are seeing the benefits of this experience for her.  As I’ve noted before, kids tend to be pretty resilient, and AB is a prime example. 

But in the end, she comes home to two parents that (try to) drop everything else from the day to simply be present with and for her a few hours before bedtime.  That’s my favorite part of the day.

India Sightseeing Tips and Tricks

Now that your family of three has recovered from jet lag, you’re ready to hit the town…or the country…or the region!  But remember, you’re not in the Midwest of the U.S. of A. anymore.  You’re more likely to see cows walking down the road than you are to see cow-sized Wisconsinites walking down the road eating cheese.  And yes…this is one Indian’s perception of people from Wisconsin based on their experience there a few years ago.  “I actually saw someone walking alongside the road eating cheese!”

But fear not!  We’ve compiled some rules for the road.  Well, there aren’t really rules on the roads here and the word “road” is used loosely…but you get my drift.

DO expect to see families of 4 riding on a motorcycle.  And the baby is probably asleep.

DON’T expect there to be a direct route.  Each trip…no matter how far…requires at least three U-Turns.

DO expect everyone to use their motorcycle/car/truck horn to communicate.

§  Short honk: “I’m coming up behind you, so get out of my way.”  Or “Don’t make any sudden moves, pedestrian, just keep going at your current pace.”  Or “Hey, you didn’t close my trunk.  Please try again.”

§  Long honk: “THE LIGHT IS ALMOST GREEN! BARGE YOUR WAY THOUGHT TRAFFIC IMMEDIATELY.”

DON’T worry…most people just slow down and let you in when your driver decides it’s time to turn in front of a bunch of vehicles flying toward you.  You’ll only get a long honk every once in a while.

DO expect your driver to use the entire width of the road as needed to avoid potholes.  It’s like a rollercoaster ride every time we get in the car.

DON’T expect street signs.  Landmarks are your friend.  Street signs?  Where we’re going…we don’t need street signs. 

DO expect to be patted down upon entering any location (office, mall, hotel, public attraction, etc.).

DON’T drink fountain soda…with ice…from anywhere.  Even Pizza Hut.

DO make sure you get some really good ice cream after drinking that fountain soda, because you may not be able to eat anything else starting 45 minutes from now.

DON’T expect a line to mean people will actually wait behind you. 

DO start to catch on and use your elbows and a wide stance to block the locals from barging in front of you.

DON’T be surprised if your pale, light-haired, three year-old daughter draws a crowd of locals in every public place.  This will be accompanied by hair patting, cheek pulling, sneaky hugs/kisses, and/or smartphone photos (asking permission optional).  [Our Taj Mahal guide had given tours to professional athletes, Bollywood stars, and dignitaries…and none drew more attention than Annabelle.  She was deemed the “8th Wonder” by a group of locals at the Taj.

DO start taking pictures of people taking pictures of your pale, light-haired, three year-old daughter.  This will make a great photo-album and/or traumatizing reminder in the future.

DON’T miss out on the Birla Temple by not wearing appropriate attire.  [Translation: women can’t have any skin showing except the face.]

DO book an awesome Thanksgiving trip to Sri Lanka!

DON’T forget to make sure you booked the Thanksgiving trip to Sri Lanka during the week of Thanksgiving…and not the week before.  Do try to do complete this step more than 24 hours prior to leaving for this trip.

DO have a great time in Sri Lanka regardless.  (Post to come on this.)

DON’T expect anyone to know what to do with a carseat.  “No, don’t put this in the trunk.  I’m not just carrying it around for my daughter to sit in when we get where we’re going…”

DO expect at least three people to stand up on a plane before the pilot has arrived at the gate and turned off the seatbelt sign.  Flight attendants will call them out.  And wait.

DON’T try to rationalize everyone rushing to get off a plane when you ALL have to get on to a shuttle bus to get to the terminal anyway.  Your head will explode.

DO try to see some of the sights in Delhi if you get a chance.

DON’T be fooled with the haze in the morning while in Delhi.  It is pollution and it is not going to burn off as it gets warmer.

DO get super excited to see the National Rail Museum!

DON’T be surprised when it’s closed due to renovation…for more than a month longer than it should have been.

DO plan a trip to Agra to see the Taj Mahal.

DON’T plan on getting there as early as you wanted to when traveling with kids.  The necessity for bathrooms and food outweigh your desire to stick to a timetable.

DO take a TON of pictures from every angle. 

DON’T forget to step back from taking those pictures and just take in the beauty and magnitude of the building.  This was all built to show how much love and respect a man had for his wife.  Amazing.

DO expect your sponge of a three year-old to pick up on local tendencies.  The infamous Indian head-wobble will be accompanied by any “yes” response and the phrase “nay, nay, nay” will replace a simple “no”. 

DON’T expect to understand your three year-old’s hybrid language of English/Spanish/Hindi/Telugu.  It may make sense to her…but nobody else on earth may be sophisticated enough to understand it.

DO take advantage of every opportunity experience this country/region has to offer.  You may only make it to the other side of the world once in a lifetime, so take it all in and don’t sweat the small stuff.  No matter how you experience it, you’ll have a new and better perspective on your life and the world.

Oh…and seriously… DON’T drink fountain soda.

The Zombie Day

Even after about 20 hours of travel, things are looking vaguely familiar as the sun rises over Hyderabad on our way to the hotel.  “Gachibowli” is where we’re headed…Hindu temples every few minutes…a (not so) thin layer of pollution-haze covering the city…”Do Not Pass Urine” painted on fences and walls…dudes passing urine on fences and walls.

But in all fairness, knowing what we’re getting into makes us both feel more settled.  And when we arrive at the Westin the relief of being in our second “home” starts to sink in.  Check-in is a breeze (thanks to Amanda’s copious Starwood Preferred Guest points she’s racked up over the past year, I’m sure) and Annabelle immediately finds solace in the playground set up right in the lobby.  Luckily her body still thinks it’s late-afternoon and we’re able to pry her away without too much trouble to go to our room.

[Lowly Blog Drafter Note: Let me preface this next bit with a big “thank you” to our employer.  We GREATLY appreciate the accommodations we’ve been afforded, both in transit and while at the Westin.  It’s magnified by having AB with us and knowing how hard it could be.  We’re extremely lucky.]

Our room.  It’s fantastic. In the main living area we have a nice workspace, a dining table (aka – Griffin’s clothes dresser and laundry hamper), and a sitting area with a big coffee table (aka – Annabelle’s craft table).  There’s a small kitchenette.  The microwave will come in handy for mac ‘n’ cheese.  The bathroom and closet (Amanda and AB’s closet, mind you…my dresser has been discussed previously) are one in the same.  Spacious enough.  The bedroom is nice-sized and most importantly can be partitioned off for privacy when AB goes to bed in the roll-away we got.  If it weren’t for AB wanting to go back to the play area, I’m sure we’d pass out right away.  But instead we trudge downstairs in time for breakfast to open.

6:30 AM, India Standard Time.  8:00 PM Central Daylight Time.  This is where things get blurry.  And pre-schoolers get cranky.  And we’ve got hopefully 12 more hours to suffer through to break free from jet lag as quickly as possible.

Breakfast is…incredible.  We have all the chutney, dosas, sambar, idly, upma, pongal, and aloo mutter in the world at our fingertips.  (More to come on food – stay tuned!)  Want to know more now?  http://bit.ly/1pO7ZjB.   For backup, there are also some safer options that remind us more of home: omelets, fruit, pancakes, super-healthy-not-at-all-bad-for-you pastries, and…pizza.  For breakfast?  Okay.  Coffee, black tea, and masala chai.  Thank goodness.  That, paired with the play place keep us sane for an hour. 

After snapping out of our haze, we’re able to convince AB to go on an adventure to explore the hotel grounds.  There are two presumably fantastic restaurants downstairs (we STILL haven’t tried them…whoops), along with a salon, a spa, and a workout room.  There’s a big grassy area out back, and a few interconnected swimming pools.  We make a great decision to not get in the pool today.  The density of our bodies after breakfast paired with our severe lack of awareness of our surroundings would surely lead to disaster in a pool.  Instead, we head back to the 25^th floor of the hotel that has an open atrium looking down into the lobby below which causes vertigo with one wrong look.  Due to our long-term stay, we get access to the Club Lounge.  This is great, because we can continue to overdose on caffeine all day long.

We somehow make it to lunch and then we catch a Westin shuttle to the nearby Inorbit Mall.  Or maybe we went to the mall and got lunch?  Or maybe it was a dream inside a dream…  Whatever.  The main point here is that we got out of the hotel and went to the mall.  Our transport was an auto-rickshaw, or a tuk-tuk.  These things are glorified three-wheel scooters with a “roll-cage” made of tin and canvas.  Child safety be damned!  Just put her in the middle and hold on! 

The mall is actually quite nice.  Plenty of people, distracting stores, and a playground.  However; this was AB’s first real experience with India, and vice versa.  The white family that includes a beautiful mother, a giant father, and the cutest daughter I have, draws a bit of attention.  Unfortunately, AB gets it the most.  More on this later.

An unknown number of minutes or hours later, we stumble upon a Westin shuttle that takes us home.  It’s early evening and we’re all about ready to curl up and pass out.  We barely make it up to the room and AB is OUT within minutes.  Amanda and I join her within an hour or so and we all sleep like babies.

All in all, our India experience is shaping up nicely.  Don’t worry…I won’t give the play-by-play of tomorrow.  We’ll get more “topical” in nature while I play catch-up on the blog.  Look forward to the next posts of sightseeing, AB’s school / our office, food, friends, surprise vacations, and more!